I've have been voraciously reading the amazing Hyperbole and a Half by Allie Brosh of late. (http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/ - check it out, it's extremely funny) That and my recent trip to the Dreams Come True exhibit at ACMI has inspired me to create this, my first (and depending on how well it goes, perhaps only) 'Crudely-Drawn Mythological Creature of the Week' post. The drawing thing I will avow here and now is something that I have borrowed from Awesome Allie, but I've tried to use it my own way. Besides, Allie is more than capable of drawing very, very well. I am not. I can, if I really try and go very slowly, draw certain things semi-decently - specifically, maps and my female protagonists. Otherwise I'm pretty much a black hole when it comes to drawing talent.As you can see, Creature of the Week is the oh-so-mighty dragon.
Now, there are plenty of incarnations of dragons throughout fantasy and mythology in general. A lot of the older legends in the UK centre around there being great British dragons, such as the red one on the Welsh flag. Their dormant bodies, lying in wait for when Britain once more needs them, are said to form various mountain ranges throughout the UK.
As a symbol, the dragon is enormously versatile - it can range from vicious beast all the way through to cultured higher being, and sometimes writers will portray many of these aspects in a single dragon. A lot of mythological creatures have this multiplicity of viewpoints, but as it is somewhat of the grand daddy of all mythological beasts, the variance is greatest here.
Obviously Smaug of Tolkien's 'The Hobbit' is quite a well-known one, and an example of your bargain-basement dragon - i.e. sleeps on gold in a cave, breathes fire, weak underbelly. In this form (which like so many fantasy tropes, became prevalent because Tolkien did it) the dragon is essentially the embodiment of greed. And fire. Always, always fire.
Other famous renditions are Saphira in Paolini's Inheritance novels (that's more for kids/young adults, though) and Segoy/Kalessin in Le Guin's Tehanu and all the Earthsea novels that follow after that. The former is a rather well-realised representation of the dragon-as-human - the beast is essentially human internally. S/he acts with humanity always and is a sympathetic creature. Kalessin is also a dragon-as-human, but differs very sharply, partly out of the much greater talent of his/her (it's never quite clear) creator, Le Guin, and partly because the aim was different - to use the dragon as a symbol of knowledge, which is probably the next most common rendition of fire-lizards after greedy gold-hoarder.
Anyway, this is the most important part - how to kill/not be killed by a dragon.
How to Kill:
- If you are facing a standard gold-loving reptile, then that weak underbelly should be foremost in your mind. Otherwise it's just armoured scales, claws, more armoured scales, fire out one end, and only god knows what out the other.
You will need a sword, but no armour, because a dragon is at the very least 10 times bigger than you, and it is better to be able to run away partially burnt, then all burnt and dead because you can't run in chainmail.
A bow may work, so too a javelin. Basically anything pointy that you can throw from a safe distance. To my knowledge, no-one has ever used a gun on a dragon. I don't advise you to try.
- If you are facing the superintelligent breed of dragon, your method is largely the same - stay back, be ready to throw your sharp object when you get an opportunity. The very important difference is that you will have far less opportunity with a smart dragon. In fact, your life hinges on your being smarter than the dragon. Not many people are, so if you have a smart dragon (they tend to use riddles and be quite charming...until they eat you) on your hands, please refer to the next section.
How Not to Be Killed:
- In the case of the angry, bestial and not very intelligent dragon, do not enter the cave/lair. You can spot one from the outside by checking the ground for a trail of gold coins of various shapes and sizes, some with bite marks. This is a bit hard to miss, so if you manage to accidentally walk into the cave, then the gene pool's probably better off without you.
But if you beg to differ, leaving before they notice you is a good strategy. If you also fail at this (the piles of gold on the floor do make it difficult to be stealthy), run like hell, and don't look back if you value the skin on your face. A dragon will breathe fire on trespassers as quickly as a redneck reaches for a shotgun. I repeat, RUN.
- As for our genius dragon, if they notice you in their lair (or nest/eyrie - the smart ones often like a high-up dwelling of some kind), you're probably screwed. They may toy with you for a while, but if they want to eat you, they will eat you. They've already figured out all the ways you could escape and formulated plans for each eventuality.
If you are extremely, unbelievably lucky (and probably you're not, 'cause lucky people don't end up in the nests of smart dragons), then you might manage to foil one of these counter-escape plans. If this happens, then again, RUN.
But because they are very intelligent, they will know your fear of mortality and will often take great joy in making you think you have a chance. If a way to escape seems obvious or unnoticed, don't take it. S/he will engage you in conversation, either to mesmerise you (smart dragons are quite skilled at this) or simply to give you a sporting chance. If you succeed in proving you are intelligent enough to live, then maybe, maybe you will be allowed to leave.
But as with many things in life, prevention is better than cure, so don't go looking for an intelligent dragon, or any dragon at all.
In closing:
Dragons are cool in a figurative sense, and fiery in a literal sense. If you see one, ascertain which kind of dragon it is. If it snarls and little else, it's a standard dragon. RUN. If it speaks with better diction than you, despite the rows of teeth and the smoke curling forth, politely answer all questions as intelligently as possible, cross your fingers, and if s/he gives you permission, RUN.
Tune in next week for another Crudely-Drawn Mythological Creature!
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